oh baby, oh baby

its no secret that i have a special friend.

(who comes home in 9 months mind you...holla!!)

although time has flown by, and 9 months isn't super terrible, i still have several days to pass.

which leads to the issue, or discussion rather, of boys and dating.

i've never really shared much of my "love life" on the www because the whole story is quite long and slightly dramatic.

however, i have been having this issue with men as of late and i'm going to share it.

here's the deal:

i love matthew brooks harris.

i want more than anything to be his wife.  i have faith and hope that if it's the Lord's will, it will happen.

i don't stress too much about it, i don't worry too much that it won't happen.  i'm pretty confident that he will be mine and that i will be his, but i have learned from past experience that things don't always turn out the way we plan, hope, want etc. and i'm ok with that.

so... when matthew left we weren't technically dating. but may as well have been.

since he had played the part of "the other guy" once before, and was now switching roles as "the missionary" he made it very clear that i should date, hangout, associate with other males while he was away.

he left me with only one condition:

"don't date or kiss anyone i know or any of my friends, except maybe _________, you could kiss him and i'd be ok with that"

i took his advice and i have guy friends. little crushes. people i've kissed and so on but,

(here's where the problem comes in....)
boys think they are in love after five seconds.

as much fun as it is to have the "i don't like you like that" talk, it gets kind of old. and then i get accused of leading people on and what not.
i feel as if i'm pretty upfront about my situation.  i definitely make it a point to say i'm not looking for anything. not wanting a relationship, and so on.
but somehow i always get sucked into these weird situations.
which cause me to not want to date/hangout/kiss other people, because in the end no one is matt and it all seems pointless and not worth it.

any thoughts or opinions on the situation at hand would be gladly accepted.
cuz i've still got nine months of this nonsense.